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World News
Christmasville Saved!
Slayer saves Christmasville from Sparkling Psychos
 Buffy Summers, North Pole Chief of Police, successfully defended Christmasville from sparkling vampires bent on stealing the spirit of Christmas.
Three weeks before Christmas, Summers and her friends repulsed a surprise attack on Santa's workshop in spite of overwhelming odds.
No one suspected the coming battle when the 300 sprites arrived during early autumn, bearing gifts and offering to bolster the overwhelmed workforce as it entered the peak toy-making season. Hans Candle, Chief of the Elves' Guild, said, "The leaders, James, Victoria, and Laurent, said they came from a secret underground city in South America that was destroyed in an earthquake. They claimed to be refuges, and we welcomed them like brothers."
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"They mostly looked like us, but they all had dark eyes and shimmered in the sunlight," said Grace Winterspoon, North Pole news anchor.
"They were well liked. They were sociable, and they were willing to work weird hours," said Crystal the Snow Woman, the new North Pole Mayor. "Before long, they moved into key positions. When our elves started getting sick, we all thought it was another flu outbreak, and it was only natural to rely on the newcomers even more. No one realized these guys were causing it."
The Snow Queen spotted two of them snooping around the workshop after hours, "There was something suspicious about them. They made my icicles tingle." She contacted Summers for help.
Summer already had her own suspicions. She took her visiting friends, Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris, along to check on Santa's workshop. The Naughty and Nice team normally watches over Santa's workshop, but they had been infiltrated by the mysterious sprites.
They caught the leaders in the act of adding some kind of biotoxin to the toys and to the cocoa dispenser in Santa's sleigh.
Surprised in their attempted sabotage, the sprites revealed their true nature, sprouting fangs and rippled foreheads.
"I saw the whole thing! It was really, really bad," exclaimed Frosty the Snow Man, who was leaving his studio after a show. "Victoria screeched, and the sound rang throughout Christmasville. Her minions came running from every corner. There were elfin vampires everywhere!" Frosty was too modest to admit that he jumped into the fight to help, flattening several vampires with iceballs.
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The battle raged for an hour. Rosenberg zapped the fanged elves with Christmas magic, while Harris wielded a hammer and wrench against the sparkly demons with startling accuracy.
Summers, the unassuming polar police chief, cut a twinkling swath through the troops and found herself surrounded by the three leaders. It seemed like they had the upper hand until she spiked the three of them with the Christmas tree from the center of town.
Santa's reindeer joined in and dusted the last few stragglers.
The revived Naughty and Nice Team mopped up the mess and decontaminated the toys, workshop, and sleigh. Christmas deliveries will be unaffected this season, although Christmasville will need a few repairs after the holiday rush.
Santa awarded Summers, Rosenberg, Harris, and Frosty with the Snowflake Medal of Valor. Summers, who joined the polar force in 2003, said humbly that it was all part of a day's work.
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Celebrity Update
Martin Frost Fiasco
Martin Frost has fumbled his way into another foolish faux pas, getting fired from his hit TV show, "Two and a Half Snow Cones." TV execs cited his "dangerously self-destructive conduct."
Martin Frost, brother to Jack Frost, served as mayor from 2000 to 2003 until an embarrassing recall election dislodged him. Frost stayed out of the limelight for a couple of years. Eventually he founded a new career hosting reality TV shows and starring in the hit sitcom. He married supermodel wife Charlotte Brooke and there were rumors about him running for mayor again.
Making matters worse, after he got fired, Brooke caught Frost in an affair with singer Misty Mistletoe and has filed for divorce.
"They won't get me down. I'm winning!" exclaimed Frost, who now claims to be joining Charlie Sheen's new comedy.
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©2011 Christy Devonport. All rights reserved.
This newsletter is a work of
fiction and is meant as a parody. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or
persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
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